This cross feels heavy.

Abba, do you want to take back what you said about carrying the cross daily because my shoulders are heavy with this cross.

Being rejected by my family is the hardest thing I've carried. It's the fact that they could look me in the eye and make decisions that they know, full well, would bring "disadvantage" to me and "advantage" to their other child. As a mum of two, I could never imagine I'd make such decisions. Yet, with the heaviness of everything, the command still stands- carry your cross.

Goodness me Abba. But you know what- I want to thank You for the friendships I have around me. Friends that let me grieve, friends that point out my growth, friends that affirm me. It's all You, it's all Your doing that I am surrounded by such godly counsel.

I think the greatest advice I've heard around this matter is what I heard today. It was around parents making decisions that may seem "favourable" to a particular child and "malicious" towards the rest but actually it's much like the shepherd running after the 1 lost sheep, leaving the 99. The shepherd made that decision based on his belief that the 99 are sorted and would make good decisions as they have shown thus far.

This actually flipped it all on its head. It's often what I hear one of my parents say. "Jesus has you, we are not worried about you." I always deemed this as a cop out, but actually no- they genuinely mean this.

Hmm. All of a sudden the cross seems bearable. Thank You Abba for carrying it with me.

I have so much more to say on this but you know- this is the net. Haha.

Until next time!

Kru x

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